STEP 4: TRY AND MAKE IT FEEL GOOD

A quick recap from the last installment of the "positive state of production" saga.  ---How to optimize output: STEP 1: ESTABLISH CONTROL

STEP 1B: CONSOLIDATE

STEP 2: TAME THE WILD BEAST (WITHIN) OR AT LEAST GET HIM WORKING FOR YOU

STEP 3: GIVE UP TRYING TO TAME THE BEAST (LET WILD THINGS RUN FREE SO THEY CAN FIND THEIR FELLOW)

STEP 4: TRY AND MAKE IT FEEL GOOD - abandon useless guilt - trade pacification for delayed gratification

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I am eternally invested in the process (of everything.  painting, making things, living.).  I guess a hyper-tendency to over-analyze could/should be directed through my action channels in a way that will help me radiate more *positive* energy-- I am becoming more and more aware of how it surfaces as neurosis, anxiety, frustration, pain, and anger.--  It's time to start poking little holes in my soul's Light Bright, if you will.  Maybe fill 'em with little Vitamin D bulbs: a bunch of little ultraviolet happy lights.  how.pleasant. (((..does this mean I need to abandon sarcasm?)))

--

Another topic of interest trending in my mind at the moment:  DUALITY.

hay all you magic makers!! be conscious in yer conjuring <3

MULLED ART: dig myself out

what i'm interested in regards to painting:

  • spontaneous gesture
  • obsession
  • compulsion
  • neurosis
  • self picking at
  • self flagellation
  • internal vs external
  • alienation
  • power struggle
  • power play
  • bursting at the seams
  • over-pouring
  • drips
  • drops
  • splitters and splat
  • paint as blood
  • paint as skin
  • paint as mud
  • paint as its own wild animal
  • paint as snot and scabs
  • paint as scum
  • grit
  • grime
  • wabi sabi
  • paint as easy to handle
  • paint as hard to hold

this list makes me feel like i should be more abstract...

....it also makes me want to paint more portraits.

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by: hannah helton

hypnopompic and my own hallucinations

I came across these beautiful weavings by Finnish designer/artist Kustaa Saksi in a blog post by Miss Moss.  Yes, they are trippy, and vibrant, yet subdued in a really appealing way, but the reason I had to catalogue them here is this quote/definition of the title of the series "Hypnopompic": "Hypnopompic refers to a state of sensory confusion leading out of sleep, when the state of awakening gets mixed with the dream world into a surreal reality. It is an exceptional state of consciousness, in which one may experience the presence of, or see creatures and animals, such as spiders, monkeys and insects. Hypnopompic state has also been affiliated with visual delusions caused by migraine. These graphic patterns, designs and textures are thought to have contributed to the traditions of ornamentation, mosaic and textile."

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For as long as I can remember, I have hallucinated (visual, auditorial, physical) while falling asleep and waking.  Even though I know now that it's a completely normal phenomenon (and symptom of narcolepsy) called "hypnogogic hallucination" that many a brilliant historical figure experienced in their day, I still sometimes feel a bit off my rocker (the fact that the only "famous person" I can think of off the top of my [wikipedia's] head who mentioned experiencing the phenomenon is Edgar Allen Poe does not plead my sanity case).

...But these weavings are so inspiring.  My hallucinations are sometimes terrifying (I've been told I cry), sometimes exhilarating, sometimes funny (I've been told I giggle), so duh, I don't know why I haven't already considered THEM "inspiring."  Apparently, some people even actively try and learn how to achieve them (like they do with lucid dreams...WHICH my visions have always lead right into--or out of)  I guess if anyone wants some tips just ask...But be forewarned: nothing is worse than having something really cool or beautiful or what-have-you in your possession during a dream you're controlling, only to wake and see it there! with you! in your bed! and then lose it to reality... Huge bummer for me as a kid.

Anyhoo, on an art note: these really jumped out at me because the most common things I see in my hypnogogic state are bugs, particularly spiders.  I have been trying to think of a way to tap into the whole weird dream thing for a good long while, and these are definitely inspiration in the right direction.  Also love the concept of weaving (a very feminine history which also references spiders--Mother Spider taught us to weave), meshing with my very physical painting style (rooted in the very macho action painters of the 50s)---little gender discussion about materiality there.  Also, the concept of "mother" as spider has been coming up a lot in my work lately.  ...AND the comments in the quote about mosaics makes me better understand my tendency towards pattern work and this sort of thing...  WHAT A SERENDIPITOUS FIND! THIS IS SO DENSE.  I'M SO EXCITED.

2014 is golden

I'll start off by saying I had a really beautiful, raw, and serendipitous New Years Eve. Much better than last year.  Hope everyone else out there enjoyed themselves... I had a really sexy "2014" post planned - complete with resolutions and everything!, but since it got lost not once, but twice, to the black hole of the interwebs, I have decided to take it as a sign that somethings are best left unsaid.  BUT, I do have a couple of efforts imma make this year that I'd like to share with you fine folk:

1) text less / call more

2) relentlessly and shamlessly indulge all my wildest ideas

3) stop berating myself and apologizing for my flaws / start celebrating and highlighting my bright light!

I hope everyone has an amazing year of the horse.  I'm PUMPED...I love horses.  Posts and paintings about horses to come (neigh)...(see below).

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need plan to sabotage my tendency to self sabotage

Happy day before new years eve everyone.

Today I"m feeling a bit glum.  It's been a hard year- one of which has resulted in a long chain of self-sabotage.  As I catch wind of the results of the final (hopefully final) thing I did not apply to for no good reason, I am fed up.  I know life has been mean, but never have I been THIS outwardly destructive to PAINTING.  Or have I?  Now I just don't know.  Maybe I was oblivious to myself until life trauma knocked me more self aware.  

Does anyone know anything real deep and revealing about self sabotage? Anyone have a quick fix that's more elaborate than simply "getting over it" or "working harder."  Obviously this is a symptom of something much sludgier - something that smells of low self worth, and I just won't have it.

 

Here is a sketch of my nephew I did the other day

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here's a shot of my studio looking a lil cray.Image

 

A gift from me to you:

ImageThe world's easiest homemade cleaner recipe:

1 part vinegar 

1 part water

spiced up with some drops of essential oils. 

I used sweet orange, but tell me, oil---water? The whole separation thing... (see picture below)  Um...

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Step 3: give up trying to tame the beast (let wild things run free so they can find their fellow)

Since life is starting to feel like failed capture after failed capture of my crazy, it's best I let the beast run free.  I'm finding myself clench fisted and anxious/tense----feeling like I HAVE to be making something, anything. There is really no reason to flagellate myself or be ashamed for my frisky.  New solution for optimum crazy-coping: let wild things run free so they can find their fellow crazy. and so today I feel much more calm.

dis body neeeds some yoga.  Balance = strength and flexibility.  I keep forgetting...

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEo16bzxD7g&w=420&h=315]

ms joni mitchell on painting and music and poetry.  thank you joni for being real.  words can't describe ))dare to be yerself((

PAINTING is rejuvination POEM is aspirin (at best) MUSIC is a mystery

--pure wisdom--

And a sample of exciting t-shirts to come!

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step 2: tame the wild beast (within) or at least get him working for you

Had a really great painting salon-convo with Hannah and Will two nights ago.  We each talked about our goals and  struggles ---  really lit up the ol' belly fire.  Will even sacrificed a painting (death by ax). ...the most pressing question of the evening: ---- "What are you afraid of?"---- wasn't asked of me then, but it's been reeling in my mind ever sense.  Time to start chasing fear instead of standing oblivious or running from it.  Wish me luck.

It is so great to find people who you can discuss your process with.  essential.  yummm.  .....if we're all running towards the same fears... maybe we build up a lil power in numbers?  that sort of thing.

I'm still overwhelmed with ideas.  -- which makes for some real compulsive creation! ....or for today- narrowing down the broader categories of my interests/ultimate major goals.  Anyhoo, so far I've got:

ART

LOVE

GETTING BY (who am I kidding, THRIVING)

I would like these three things to be come interconnected in a lil' synergy triad thinga-mahjig. --- Also coming to terms with the fact that I have to make things/art to stay sane (or at least "functional" in this world).  It's the only way.  I have too many damn feelings--gotta direct them towards something.   Trying to worry more about making myself feel good than anything else.  I'm a sassy brat and very badly behaved, so it'll be a solid challenge to pin down and befriend my inner beasts.

meanwhile--HAPPY SATURDAY NIGHT!

step 1b - consolidate *?*

seems cruel chaos has taken the lead yet again.  ...and the antidote for living in what feels like one continuous scorpio sting....? bLoggiNg (among other things)

I've been feeling an overwhelming stop-up of me creative juices (the problem being too many ideas and too many thoughts about these ideas--is it even possible?: paralyzingly OVER INSPIRED).  Doubting and questioning all my creative pasts and wondering how they will begin to weave into one another.  What should I nurture, what should I leave behind?

The best solution I can think of now is "smoosh".  Don't get rid of anything, just pack it all together big ol' tasty rice ball style.  Chronicle everything in one place so I (and maybe a few wanderers of the interweb) can see more clearly how things connect/are moving along.  If i don't end up maintaining this little venture, well then rats -- Truth being, I often fall victim to the fleeting fancy of my whimsical heart/mind...sigh...

otherwise,  Welcome to the b(l)og of my mind////returnedGreetings world///

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capture (trap), 3 ft x 3 ft, acrylic and latex on stretched canvas, 2013

a new painting!  available to purchase in my online store <3

venus fly trap tattoo

venus fly trap tattoo on ms hannah

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starting to work with crowds.  spooky...